We’ve all heard the stories about how people have misrepresented themselves on dating websites by posting out-of-date photos that don’t reflect what the person looks like anymore, or by fudging on age or other factors.
We want to find people to date that are honest, and we don’t want to get unpleasant surprises when we find out that the woman we’ve been exchanging messages with is really ten years older, and her photo is from twelve years ago, before her hair went completely gray (not that there’s anything wrong with gray hair)!
What’s the cut-off for fudging on a profile anyway? Is it acceptable for her to report that she weighs 120 lbs when she really weighs 135 lbs? Is it okay for her to omit information like the fact that she has tattoos from head to toe? How do we weed out the women who are being less than honest with us?
First, it’s not uncommon for people, both men and women, to conveniently forget that they gained ten pounds over the holidays, or that they had a birthday six months ago. That doesn’t necessarily make it right, though.
You’re the only person who can decide if any misleading information is grounds for kicking someone to the curb, or if certain misrepresentations are considered outright purposeful dishonesty. If you’re trying to weed the wrong kinds of women out of your dating pool, then here’s what you should do:
Decide where your “honesty cut-off” is, and don’t waiver from it. If you do, you’ll always feel that nagging concern in the back of your mind that she’s not being totally upfront with you about other things.
Have several conversations with a prospective date, online and by phone if possible to get to know her before you even suggest a date. Look for inconsistencies.
Ask lots of questions about her life. Don’t try to be a detective or to conduct an inquisition, just gather lots of information to help you make an informed decision about whether or not she’d be a good candidate for your romantic life.
Talk to her about what you value in life and see how she responds. Keep this kind of conversation light, because if you start to sound like you’re preaching, you’re going to turn her off.
If it’s seriously important to you that your date is tattoo-free for example, you could strike up a conversation about how you once considered getting a tattoo, but you decided that you like the look of the skin you were born with – free of artwork. You can do this with just about any subject – the way she responds will tell you a lot.
Make the first date something very easy to get out of – coffee, or a walk in the park, or meeting at a popular spot for a quick drink after work. Set a time limit that you keep. That way if you meet, and you find that your date hasn’t been upfront with you, you have an easy way out.
Good women are out there, and they’re willing to be upfront about themselves. They may want to put the accent on their good traits (that’s just normal) but they won’t misrepresent themselves just to get a date, and neither should you.