Do you ever wonder if there are any guys out there who are worth dating? Where are they? And why can’t you find them? Yes, they’re out there – but maybe you’re looking in the wrong places.
You might even know a great guy right now, but you’re passing him by because you aren’t sure what you really want. Chances are you’re letting yourself look for men the way you shop for shoes – changing your mind with each new trend or mood.
Finding the right single man is not about pleasing your friends or a competition for attracting the hottest guy at the party. Finding the right single man only happens when you know what you want in a man.
Think of man hunting like bargain hunting at a clearance sale. Sure, the neon orange skirt is 80% off the regular price, but where would you wear it? That conservative black suit is a classic, but your style is sporty and casual – it just doesn’t fit with the rest of your wardrobe.
Buying another tank top that’s not your size won’t look any better because it’s on sale than the one you already have that shrank in the wash. Mr. Neon Orange may be easy to lead around, but he would never fit into your world.
Mr. Conservative Black Suit runs with a more formal crowd than your flip flop loving crowd. Mr. Too-Tight Tank Top is just like Mr. Jerk that you spent months crying over last year – do you really want to do that again?
You have to know what you want in a man before you can find him. So take out a piece of paper and draw three columns. The left column is for “What’s Important,” middle column is for “Requirements” and right column is for “Preferences.”
The “What’s Important” column includes such items as age, income, appearance, moral value, habits like smoking/drinking, common interests, sports, commitment style and family values.
Don’t try to fit any particular guys into this list – not yet. Prepare this list with absolute honesty. Decide what characteristics are “must haves” (Requirements) and which are “like to haves” (Preferences).
Until you know this information, you really can’t make a solid decision about any guy. Maybe you’ve ignored nagging requirements in order to accept a certain guy as he is. That’s a relationship red flag.
If you’re a personal trainer who is into natural foods, you can make all the excuses in the world, but you won’t last with a guy who smokes and craves fatty fast foods 24/7. The conflict between what’s important to him and what’s important to you means that one of you has to change.
Don’t count on changing him. If you change your beliefs, how much of yourself gets lost? Over time, you’ll either resent him or resent yourself – the conflict in inevitable. Knowing what you want is the fair way to date.
Why waste your time (and his) when the foundational elements aren’t there? It’s also important to be honest with yourself about the type of man that you really want. When you know how to describe him, you’ll have an easier time recognizing him when you meet him. Maybe you already know him – you just didn’t know yourself!