When it’s time to strike up a conversation with a woman, some guys (maybe you), get shy and tongue-tied, only to end up frustrated and angry at themselves for not knowing what to say or how to say it.

Or maybe you just don’t want to say anything because you’ve gotten the brush off before and you assume it’s because of what you said. If this sounds like you, take heart. You don’t have to spend the rest of your life spouting gibberish at every pretty girl you see and then slinking home in embarrassment.

Women like to see confidence in a man. Not cockiness, but confidence. You have to find ways to project that. Confidence is projected not only by what you say, but the way you walk and stand, and by other kinds of body language like eye contact and your smile.

Here are some good tips for helping you get past your shy, tongue-tied self.

Walking and standing – Don’t try the John Travolta Saturday Night Fever walk unless you’ve got the music going in the background! Walking with confidence means that you’re posture is straight, your head is up and shoulders relaxed (not slumping).

It should look natural. If you don’t think you can do it, watch your favorite actors, politicians, sportscasters, etc., and emulate them. If this sounds stupid just remember that if you have a Napoleon Dynamite walk (or run), you’re going to look awkward. Confident standing is a natural extension of a confident walk.

You need to be straight, but relaxed. You don’t have to look like a Marine at attention. Folding your arms makes you look defensive or like you’re hiding something. You’re better off putting them in your pockets or holding a drink or file or car part or your grocery bag.

Understanding Body Language: How to Decode Nonverbal Communication in Life, Love, and Work
Start by learning how to properly observe people so you can uncover their subtle nonverbal cues without drawing attention to yourself. Then, practice on your friends and family with practical advice to help you better read social gatherings and telltale signs of disagreement. Finally, dive deeper with real-life scenarios you’ll likely encounter, such as dating, job interviews, and workplace interactions.

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Eye contact – You have to be able to look a woman in the eye. Staring is wrong, unless you want to scare her. When you are talking to her, look at her for a few seconds, and then briefly look away – not like you’re distracted, just natural eye movement.

At the beginning of a conversation, when you are greeting her and introducing yourself, hold eye contact for a few seconds and smile. The same thing should happen at the end of the conversation. This is tricky. Just do what comes naturally, unless your natural inclination is to look at the floor or stare during the whole conversation.

Smile – Smiling is like eye contact. Utterly necessary, but easy to overdo.

The talk – Now that you have figured out how to project confidence visually, you need to back that up with conversation. Any conversation you have with a new woman should be positive and fun. If you need to rehearse a few different opening lines that can be used for any occasion that’s fine. If you’re at the gym, you can smile and ask her what she thinks of the new row of elliptical machines that have been added. If you’re at church, you can mention how much you like that Pastor So-and-So adds humor to his sermons.

If you’re at the NASCAR race, you can compliment her on her choice of favorite driver (as indicated by the t-shirt or ball cap she’s wearing). If she smiles and seems interested in having a conversation with you, you need to confidently take the ball and run. Be prepared.

Talking to new women can be nerve-wracking, but it’s a necessary pre-requisite to dating. Take some time to prepare yourself to present a confident you, and let nature take its course.